9:00 – 5:00 // 150🔥

Disclaimer because I feel like I need to put one: I am not perfect. I am not a saint. I am not “righteous” or “holier than thou”. I am not always right. I’ve made many mistakes and I will continue to make many more. I might be a jerk in everyone else’s eyes but this is just how I feel after everything that’s happened over the past week, so please don’t think I’m trying to be better than anyone else because that isn’t the case.

Sometimes you just give it your all, but things don’t go the way you planned.

Sometimes you get called stubborn.

Sometimes you get called “actually so obnoxious”.

Sometimes you try to put in 110% and get accused of doing “absolutely nothing”.

Sometimes you do your best to help someone out as much as you can – not because they ask, but because you care.

And sometimes that person doesn’t give a rat’s ass at all.

This past week has been tough, but if anything, it’s been eye-opening. I’ve learned that people aren’t always as nice as you think they are and that first impressions suck. I’ve learned that it’s possible for friendships not to be as mutual as you thought they were and for good intentions to go to waste.

So much has happened to me lately. I feel as though  I’ve been thrown into the real world, where people are mean and kindness is taken advantage of. Because in reality, most people are selfish and only care about themselves. Most people will take the easy road if given a choice, me included.

There are many times in the bible that state that when Jesus was still living on Earth, He had compassion for the people. Compassion is such a beautiful thing that no one appreciates; an embodiment of love and grace. Jesus not only felt compassion but acted on it, which is what led Him to the ultimate Sacrifice. Our God is so compassionate and I think I’ve only just begun to understand what that means over this past week.

The compassion that God shows us is not the same as being “nice” or “kind”. The compassion He shows us transcends all of of our mistakes – past, present and future. God shows us grace and mercy even though He knows we’ll mess up again. He knows that we’ll hurt Him and curse Him and disobey Him an infinite number of times, yet he responds by giving us an infinite amount of love, which we often take for granted – It’s only something that He could do.

I’ve also learned that compassion is not a weakness. It’s often associated with being gentle and soft, but having compassion and acting on it is hard work. It’s about putting others before yourself, making sacrifices, gritting your teeth and doing things you don’t like – for people you might not even like who might hurt you.

Truthfully, I’ve never considered myself as compassionate before, but if that is a trait I do carry, I would say it’s beginning to disappear. It feels like a light inside of me is slowly turning off. I hate the direction that I’m heading towards. This direction that feels like hope is folly and believing people can change is just foolishness.

You know, I’ve always held the notion that people have goodness inside of them, no matter how deep it may be buried. I’ve always thought that that goodness had the potential to surface and grow, until it produced good fruit – and I never wanted to give up believing and trying to water that seed. But lately it seems like this was just a lie I’d tell myself. Not everyone is kind and has good intentions. Sometimes people are mean just because they’re mean, and some people couldn’t care less about anyone other than themselves. It feels like I just have to wake up and deal with that fact because life isn’t a fairytale, and people will hurt me for no good reason. I know it’s not all true, but I know now that having compassion and kindness isn’t enough to survive in this world – I need to be able to stand up for myself and be a little less kind sometimes.

What I pray is that I won’t turn into a complete jerk.

tl;dr version: Life’s kicked me in the lady parts and told me I needed to grow a set of balls instead.

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3 thoughts on “9:00 – 5:00 // 150🔥

  1. Interesting blog, quite enjoyed how you used your day to day experiences and brought them back to the spiritual context that exists. I especially thought the way in which you have picked yourself up and used this to help you become a strong woman is respectful and inspiring.
    But a side note. Is being called obnoxious really that bad? I mean, sometimes I feel such troubles are quite small in the great abyss of things considering all the suffering Jesus went through that you clearly acknowledge considering you discuss the compassion of Christ. I think he throws such small obstacles at us and these we must overcome because in reality being called obnoxious isn’t that bad in comparison to some of the things Jesus was called and in comparison to the suffering that exists. I don’t know, maybe I’m high on inhaler but that’s just how i feel. “Sometimes people are mean just because they’re mean, and some people couldn’t care less about anyone other than themselves”, you know I used to believe that such an idea was correct, however, after some discovery this too I find to be not true. We don’t know who anyone else is completely but ourselves. I know I look like a mean person to everyone else out there but quite honestly inner kindness and understanding in fact does exist in every person. As followers of Christ we can not propagate such stances/conclusions because we truly don’t know if people are ‘mean’ or don’t care about anyone but themselves.
    I write this as a blogger who was suggested your page, but also as a random ass chick who enjoys randomly commenting. I think you make some good points but I also believe that some conclusion were not completely right.
    And I guess the greatest thing I learnt is that sometimes those who sin rebound as being the most faithful to Christ and to life as a whole.
    Stay strong, keep writing, keep faithful 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey, thanks for the feedback! It means a lot to me and I appreciate your kind words 🙂

      No, I agree completely that it’s not so bad! I could have been called something much worse – it was just a bit of a surprise considering most people say I’m too timid and need to be more confident (Hopefully I can find that balance, lol). I also need to apologize because I feel as though I might have given the impression that I was upset just because someone said something not-so-nice about me, however I wrote this post after an unpleasant series of events had just hit me and I didn’t want to mention them in detail (If I’m wrong please ignore this sentence haha). But you’re completely right, although I feel like I’ve faced a lot recently, I know that it’s nothing compared to what others are going through and especially what Jesus suffered! Thank you for the reminder.

      “Sometimes people are mean just because they’re mean, and some people couldn’t care less about anyone other than themselves” – Honestly I am a bit ambivalent about that sentence and I’m glad that you picked up on it to correct me.. I think the build up of emotions and hurt made me write something like that. Deep down I know it’s not true, but there are times it’s hard to believe.. I just need to remind myself that we are all human after all, and truth be told, I don’t think I completely understand myself either, let alone other people 😛 My actions are probably perceived to be just as bad sometimes.

      Thanks again for your comment. Seriously, I appreciate the time you put into writing it and it’s really encouraged me 😀

      Like

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